He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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