tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
