i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
