6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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