So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
