She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
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He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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