ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
