I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
