i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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