As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
