Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
