I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
