He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
