took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
