you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
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He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
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Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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