we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
