her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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