i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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