just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
