Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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