Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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