did you get engaged???
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
