summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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