so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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