i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Alive.
So much puke
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
