you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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