We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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