What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
