This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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