K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The power of my boobs compel you
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
