I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
