listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize