Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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