All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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