I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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