hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
