I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
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