Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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