my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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