the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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