You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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