whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
