So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
