where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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