is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
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Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
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She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
tell me about the eggs
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