In the future we'll all be gay
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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