is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
