Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
