I didn't shave. On purpose
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
