do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
