I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
