I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my phone needs a breathalizer
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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