No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
