Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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