at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
