my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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