She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
