sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
