If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
