My hand turned me down
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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