Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
