The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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