um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
