Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
