some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
