A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
