woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I have feelings that need drinking.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize