Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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