woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
