dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
