im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm passing your future prison.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
