Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
last night I used snow as a chaser
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
