My Higher Power is John Stamos
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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