Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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