i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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