Already got asked if we're dating
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
