I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
