i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
is this the sara with the beer cane?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
