One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
