hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it was like his penis was on wheels.
this boner is exhausting
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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