I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
