i wish starbucks made bloody marys
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
