Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
