dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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