The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
