my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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