You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
