nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
