just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
