Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
